Mixed Emotions...

Yesterday was the first time that Sharon and I had gone back to the church that we left 9 years ago to come here. That was a painful pastorate for 3.5 years and very challenging. We were invited back a few years ago to be part of an Anniversary celebration of the building and thought we were going to go, but the closer the event came the more turmoil we felt and we finally ended up canceling our going. That was a good decision then.

It is interesting how one deals with painful experiences.... for us, for the most part, we shelved that time and those experiences.... but the closer we got on Thursday night the more the conversation between us turned toward those years there. Neither of us were sure how we would handle being in the building or seeing certain people. But going to the funeral home first for the viewing allowed us to ease our way back into it. We encountered some of the folks there and that was easier. It was especially touching to encounter Joe's two granddaughters who are in their 20's now, but were in the youth group then. Immediately upon recognizing us they came over and gave us big hugs. The one told Sharon that when she looks back on that time period of her life, those years were some of the most meaningful for her and that at the time, she couldn't express how she was feeling, but now she could.

We very much enjoyed catching up with a dear friend who opened her house for us to stay there Thursday night. Then it was off to the Funeral at the church. Upon arriving in the parking lot, we were greeted by a Sunday school class of folks who were and are dear to us... we saw that as God's graceful provision for us. Upon walking in the door, our former secretary was there (we had mentioned on the way there how much we'd love to see her again... and there she was!) The service was beautiful and the pastor did a GREAT job with it!

It became clear to us though that what would have been helpful to us in the process of working through the pain, even now, would be to sit together with all parties and some third party to talk through what happened. And until that happens, one can't really find healing from the pain... Part of the struggle for the church there is that it has a habit of putting on a smiling face and pretending everything is just fine, even when it isn't. And that is NO WAY to promote healing and reconciliation... one of the neat things that the pastor did there was that he named a MAJOR rift that he and my friend Joe had and that for 2 years that kept them at odds and estranged but one day Joe called the pastor to come to his house so they could talk... they did and each confessed their wrong and expressed sorrow and asked for forgiveness and that paved the way to a healthy relationship between the two again. And out of that relationship, then God could work in some powerful ways.

This reminds me that when relationships get strained or estranged, we need to work through our challenges, not hide them and pretend they don't exist. That really is the only way to find peace and reconciliation.